One more eM/Kay aitcH/Cee story
To all the Fanon goddesses - to me, these are not parodies but summaries of what I love. Thank you for introducing me to M/K with the recs you gave me, I never thought I'd become an M/K addict.
"Hurry, Krycek, get up already." Mulder spurred on his nemesis-turned-bedmate.
"Why, I've been dreaming of the morning-cuddling part like forever!"
"Because we have a lot to do - you have to get hurt, I have to nurse you better, then we have to find a way to end up together happily ever after. Oh, and deal with your and my guilty feelings. And all that in under 50K; remember Greentea writes short stories only."
"Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute there! If we're going to do this properly, then I have to disappear first."
"Ok, so get lost already!"
"Erm... how about breakfast in bed before I go, with detailed description of how I made neat piles of my scrambled eggs due to the pain of leaving you?"
"Sir, sorry to call so late, but it's urgent. I need your help. I can't find Krycek anywhere."
"And what on Earth would you need to unearth that ratbastard for, Agent?"
"He's instrumental, sir!"
"Nowadays? With the Consortium defeated and all the info already out? Come on, that's so last-century!" Skinner rolled his eyes and mouthed "Mulder" to his sleepy soon-to-be bride, Scully.
"Instrumental for my personal life, sir. I don't have a boyfriend yet, remember. What if he's hurt, his life in danger, lying in a gutter crying my name?"
Skinner yawned. "I wouldn't worry, Mulder. When he's badly hurt or at the end of his rope, he comes to you in most stories."
"Oh, you're right, I'd forgotten - I just have to lay on my sofa, watch some porn vids, play with my wee-wee, eat cold pizza, feel lonely, wait till Christmas Eve and he'll appear. Thank you, sir!"
"Coming, coming!" Mulder shuffled to the door. "What is it with the knocking, anyway? Can't you just pick the lock and break in?!"
"Too weak... "
Aghast, the FBI agent collected the wounded, ghostly-pale former assassin in his arms. "Ok, ok, it's ok, shhh... it'll be ok; just relax, you'll be fine, I've got you. Tell you what we'll do. I'll punch you, you'll let me, I'll ask why, you'll hint you're madly in love with me and always have been, then we'll go quickly through the "But you Killed my Father and Cooperated with Scully's Abduction!" routine, and I'll soon enough end up cleansing your wounds, wondering why I care, and calling Scully to patch you up, all right? Just hang on, Krycek, it will be a happy end, that's assured. Heck, I'll even try to be a better cook this story around!"
Krycek suddenly regained consciousness "Eh, you left out the sex!"
"Why, don't you hang in the Yahoo Groups? Wild sex happens only the second day you're connected to the IV drip."
Trying to fall asleep on the couch while Krycek convalesced in his bedroom, Mulder pondered his dilemma. The attraction to the double, or was it triple, agent was undeniable anymore. It had always been there, lurking in him.
Deep inside, he felt like a traitor. To his father, to those he loved the most. He knew that he'd be feeling guilty for at least two more paragraphs. And that Krycek would bear the brunt of his guilt. Yes, he'd read enough M/K to know.
Then again, the taut muscles, the unheard-of green of his eyes, the black leather jacket, the spiky morning hair, the agile, pink tongue and pointed ears, and the unmarred beauty of that body in spite of the missing arm and all the scars... Krycek was both Beauty and The Beast, two for the price of one.
Mulder remembered to think that it could have been him in that forest in Tunguska. Because this was the turning point in any story - Krycek had suffered for his sins. At the very least he deserved to be forgiven.
"No way, Mulder. You're in love with the wrong character! How about me or one of the Gunmen? We are innocuous! Or a cross-over!", a very cross Scully crossed her arms. "How about Harry Potter or OMC?"
But she had to honor her doctor's oath, so she brought in coffee and rolls anyway, checked Krycek's temp, changed his bandages every day, and soon became Krycek's best buddy. Heck, sisters got murdered all the time and life went on. And the former thug had a sappy side the size of a house, after all.
"Eww, Fox, that's gross."
"C"mon, we always wipe our white hot seed of passion with your tee, Alex."
"Skinner gets up and brings me a warm, wet washcloth from the bathroom. He cleans me as I blissfully pass out too."
"What! You been cheating on me?!"
"Well, I do other pairings too, you know. You're not the only one; we cater to all tastes here."
"All right" Mulder conceded "The past stays in the past, Alex." he lowered his voice, trembling with emotion. "I don't hold it against you that you used to be the fandom's whore. You didn't have a say in it. You were young, you were dragged into it by all those slashing women."
Krycek nodded in his best innocent-victim gesture. "It's you I've always secretly loved, my Foxy. And Skinner."