* * *
Hearts Desire by StarWindDancer
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Brothers of Mercy Hospital
Day of Alex Krycek's accidentOsebo's new body hummed at the sensations washing over him. He could actually feel the pain of this place. The entire building was covered in it, feeding him. He hadn't felt anything like this since he visited a temple of worship in the slave quarters of the plantation he worked on. But while the temple was filled with love, this building was filled with so much delicious pain. He had always preferred feeding on love, it was harder to gain and tasted so much sweeter then pain or suffering. It was much more satisfying then pain. However this thing called a hospital was filled with pain, sever, blinding pain, pain he could feed on.
Slowly he lifted himself out of the bed. He was still reeling from his injury from the accident, but soon, after feeding that little annoyance would disappear. His host body's former occupant had thought it would slow him down; instead it had been the pathway for Osebo to trap the spirit, sending it into the land where he kept his former pray. He could still feel the connection to Alex, still wanted it. It was necessary for him to upkeep this connection so that he could continue to use Alex's body. A dead host was too draining, too needy to sustain him.
Osebo moved down the hallway, trying to find his next conquest. An orderly intercepted him, concern and attraction coloring the orderlies perception, giving Osebo an opportunity for his first meal.
The orderly wrapped an arm around Osebo's new body, supporting his weight somewhat. A hand gripped his new elbow tightly, guiding him back to his hospital room. With care the orderly helped Osebo back into bed, taking every advantage to touch and stroke the beautiful man he saw, not seeing the evil that lurked behind those emerald green eyes.
Osebo thanked the orderly, fluttering his lashes, knowing what the effect would be. It didn't take long for Osebo to catch his next fly in his web. The orderly was soon sitting on his bed, stroking his hands over Osebo's fine, silky white skin. The movement caused him to shudder. This body was much more sensitive then a lot of the other one's he'd inhabited. Much more sensitive and self-serving. In no time at all the orderly was kissing him, their tongues dueling for dominate pleasure.
The orderly slipped his hand under Osebo's paper gown, his hand quickly grasping his erection. At this point, not wanting a slow seduction, Osebo took control, pulling the orderly down next to him then rolling himself over the orderly. Blinded by the lust filling him, Osebo humped the orderly wildly, their hands entangled around the other's erection.
It wasn't long until they reached their conclusion and bringing with it the consequences of their actions. The orderly lay limp against the hospital sheets, his eyes no longer capable of offering comfort to the sick. And Osebo felt much stronger. He was then able to fix the pain in his leg, knitting the bone fragments together. He would have to work at getting the cast off, however without the grinding of bones he would be better able to walk to his next victim, claiming him or her so that he could fix the rest of his body then he would move on out of the hospital to hunt new pray.
It would be difficult to escape from a building filled with so much pain and suffering, but he had learned quickly to leave behind the trail of bodies, so that he might remain free.
* * *
Spirit World
In a time outside of time, in a place outside of placeMulder watched the embers of the fire. His mind really on other matters. Alex lay pretty much curled in his lap. His fever had broken nearly an hour ago but still Mulder was worried. Alex would shake and twist in his lap, only soothed by touch. He would call out for him, pleading for Fox again and again. But no matter how Mulder reassured Alex that he was here, the young man didn't hear him.
He had to admit it, he was afraid. It was an emotion that he was both all too familiar with but still a stranger to. Oh, he was afraid at time, his job required it. But that fear was easy to deal with. Mainly he just ignored it so he could survive whatever situation he was in. It would resurface later but didn't have the same impact as an emotion did when staring at his own mortality.
No, this was a fear that could not be ignored, passed off, or suppressed. It was a fear that drove him to find a cure for Scully, to find the answers for his mother after her stroke. But here and now he could do nothing. There was no way to act. There was no option to move, to direct his energy elsewhere. There was nothing he could do and that cut into him more then he could possibly imagine.
But it never occurred to him to leave, to get up and move. Alex was here and here was where he needed to be.
The embers popped, collapsing even more. He had pretty much used all the firewood in the cabin. There was no other source of light in the cabin and if he wanted to continue he would have to leave Alex for a little while and search for firewood.
Reluctantly, Mulder checked to see that Alex was secure. Since the fever broke, he had not tried to get away; instead he stayed curled up in a ball, occasionally shaking with whatever nightmares were plaguing him. But Scully would be proud of him this time, he was being cautious, planning out his actions.
Once Alex was tied up to Mulder's satisfaction, he cautiously opened the door.
The landscape had changed drastically. The warped sliminess had transformed into a slightly different twisted nightmare. A slushy snow that resembled pea soup covered the ground, making it look almost like a swamp turned evil. The dripping vegetation had mutated, turning into some type of clinging fronds that stretched out, reaching for something only it would want. It almost seemed like it was trying to lap up the snow like a hungry dog.
The smell of the air was so sickening it made him retch. It smelled of old, rotting flesh left out too long in the sunshine in the middle of summer. Even when he covered his mouth, it wormed its way into his nose, turning his stomach.
But he would have to venture out in this if he were to gather the firewood necessary to keep himself and Alex warmed. Slowly taking a deep breath, controlling the urge to gag, Mulder moved out into the wasteland.
Cautiously he walked through the sickening snow, trying to step on clear patches of land, avoiding the swampy patches. In longer time then he had hoped, he made it to the log pile he had seen out of the corner of his eye and discovered that it was partially shielded from the storm by a grassy overhanging. The wood was relatively clean and it offered shelter for the pair of totems.
When he saw the fox, it raised his head, staring deep into his eyes, almost like it was daring for him to comment. The rat was curled up next to the fox, both of them in a depression in the ground, like a little burrow.
"Believe me, I'm the last person to complain. I only wish my rat was as well off as yours."
The fox didn't say anything. It got up, stretched out partially, like it was waking up from a dream. It circled around the depression a few times. The rat woke up, it's small little nose sniffing here and there then ran off, following whatever smell attracted it.
"Hey, don't go," Mulder said, intending to run after it but he stepped in a huge puddle of the slushy grayish snow and stopped in disgust.
*He was cold.* the words spoke themselves in Mulder's mind. He knew it was the fox talking about the rat. *He will be back. But it is time for you to move on.*
"No way. Alex is still too sick. I have to stay with him."
Mulder then had the incredible feeling that the fox was laughing at him, like it knew something he didn't. But he didn't feel insulted. It was more like a laugh or a smile a grandmother indulges her small grandchild when he says he's going to marry her.
"And what are you so smug about?"
The fox didn't answer, only sat back down in its impression in the ground waiting for Mulder to complete his task. Soon Mulder had as much firewood as he could carry and was making his way back to the entrance of the cabin.
A long wail of agony and somebody was calling his name. Mulder dropped the wood at the door and rushed to Alex's side. The young man was desperate, struggling for something, crying out in fear and want.
"Shh, Alex, I'm here, right here and I'm not going anywhere." Mulder pulled Alex to him, holding him tight and stroking whatever came under his hands. Alex calmed somewhat, his eyes turning towards Mulder in the first hint of recognition since the fever took him fully.
"Fox..."
"I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you, Alex. You're safe. I'll protect you," and the words were much truer then Mulder had thought. Somehow he knew that he would walk to the ends of the earth to help Alex, that whatever connected them together would never be broken again. He was tired of fighting it, he was tired of denying it, and now that he had accepted it, he would never part willingly.
He ran his hands through that silky black hair. "I love you," Mulder said, leaning down to kiss Alex lightly on the forehead.
Alex smiled at him, as if some great weight had been lifted off his chest. He closed his eyes and slipped off into a peaceful sleep.
*Do you? Do you love him?*
"Of course I do." Mulder replied, feeling as certain of the emotion as he was of the fox being his totem. There was no second thought in his answer; he just knew it was true.
*You cannot love him. You only see him with your eyes. You do not look.*
"I do love him," Mulder yelled back at the fox. He tightened his grip harder on Alex, as if worried the fox would take him away. "I'll do anything for him. Please, help me. You're supposed to be my spirit guide."
*Do you see him with your heart? Do you see who he is?*
Mulder looked down at the face finally relaxed in sleep. Alex looked like some kind of spirit, some magical being whom he was able to capture. Alex was something rare and valuable, a diamond in the rough. Though maybe an emerald in the rough was more appropriate. When one thought of Alex Krycek, one thought of those magnificent green eyes, the key to his seductive otherness.
He leaned down to press his lips on Alex's forehead, sliding his lips across the sweaty brow.
He knew who Alex was, he saw who he was, he was a man who Mulder loved because of his strength, endurance, innovative spirit, and faithfulness. It wasn't his outer beauty that attracted Mulder, but the inner beauty, the person inside who counted.
"I know who he is."
The fox sighed, dipping his head and tail as if in defeat. *You still do not understand. This is the spirit world and yet you still only see him with your eyes. You need to see him with your heart before I can help you.* with that the fox zipped out of the door, leaving Mulder to contemplate the fox's meaning.
"I don't care what it says, I still love you," Mulder told the sleeping Alex.
Alex curled himself up a bit more. Mulder remembered the firewood and moved to add fuel to it.
* * *
The old man rocked back and forth as the energy once again built inside him, reaching its small peak before being released. The pulse of energy went out into the world, already pushing towards the desired effect.
But the old man did not dwell on that. He continued to chant, adding what strength he could to the two that would defeat the evil.
The chanting went on, the energy building up till its eventual release. Building like water behind a dam.
* * *
Mulder contemplated the fire. His eyes stared deep into the embers until the red glow doubled and all he was left with was a blur of color.
He rubbed the tears from his eyes and refocused on the fire. His mind was running about a hundred miles an hour, trying to think of how he could help Alex. This inactivity was killing him, forcing his energy inside him, making him fidget. He needed to slow down, slow his mind down and think out rationally what could be done.
The fire blurred in front of his eyes, turning into a slash of color as his eyes slipped closed. His mind started to run faster, going through possibility after possibility, talking too fast for him to contemplate. He reached mental terminal velocity, his mind going so fast and furious that he separated himself from his mind, letting it work out it's problems while he just sat and felt.
The fire popped and crackled. The sound so loud that it reverberated off the walls of the cabin but that didn't distract him. The feel of Alex lying close to him, his breath slowly going in and coming out was reassuring in its simplicity.
Mulder's senses went further, paying attention to him self. His breath moved in and out, slowing down as he reached a kind of peace within the environment, reaching that silence that is always there if one just stops and listens.
And for the first time in years, probably the only time in his lifetime, Mulder listened. The slightest sound magnified. The very air seemed to sing to him, telling him what is around him, acting as his eyes.
The peace over took Mulder, drawing him further, further into himself, forcing him to feel every inch of his body, every inch of his skin like he never had before.
His heart thumped, taking up all of his attention.
Mulder contemplated this, listening to his heartbeat. He let the sound take him away, surrounding him, transforming him into something else.
Thump da thump. Thump da thump. Thump da thump. Thump squee da thump plop. Thump squee da thump plop.
Mulder's eyes opened or rather became aware that they were open already. The sound continued and slowly he looked down, looking for the cause but strangely already knowing what he'd find.
Things had changed in the cabin. For one thing, he didn't have any skin. Didn't have any muscles or organs either, innless one counted the beating heart in his chest cavity. Barbed wires twisted around the cavity, holding the heart up. The heart continued to beat, the muscle expanding and contracting as every other heart muscle does. But this one, entwined as it was, pierced itself on the barbed wire, causing the strange heartbeat.
Mulder threw back his head laughing at the simplicity of it all. He was a bleeding heart. Lot of people told him this on a constant basis. He was a bleeding heart and in the spirit world, he could finally look inside himself and see what he was. He was looking at HIS spirit, his inner self. He was looking at him self with his heart, not with his eyes.
In his research into the paranormal it was said that to see an aura, the spirit energy of a person, one had to look side ways, it was like learning to see all over again. He never had been able to see auras but people who did said it was like looking past an invisible lid, of thinking your eyes round and pulling this strange lid away. It was only then when they could see auras.
In this strange place, what they said made clear sense. This world was not the physical world, the one in which people interacted with everyday. To learn to work with this world, he had to let it guide him, to follow the strange but understandable logic that ruled here.
The fox had told him to look at Alex with his heart, that he needed to see the other man. It was a test for Mulder to understand Alex more, to take the next step between them to help him defeat the evil that had taken Alex's body away from him.
But when he looked down, he didn't see Alex. Instead he saw some sort of mummy, rewrapped again and again until a long shapeless object lay beside him.
No, that couldn't be Alex. Alex would be something spectacular, some type of specter, like a fairy that tempted men into their worlds. Alex would be ethereal, not something dead and cold.
Alex was alive, damn it. He was life.
*What you think you will see and what you do see are not always the same,* the fox said. *You see what he is with your heart. It is time for you to return and use this knowledge to help Alex.*
"But I can't leave him. I can't... he isn't..."
*Each of your paths is different. Both of you must find your own strengths, find your own selves before you can defeat the evil that has taken the young one. You have taken your first step and it is time for him to take his.*
"Listen to him, Mulder. We need to do as he says," Alex's voice was a whisper of itself but Mulder could easily pick up the desperate need to follow, to solve this challenge in front of him.
"I don't want to go. You were right, whenever I leave, you get hurt and I never want to hurt you." The words 'I will protect you' stayed unspoken on his lips.
Alex slipped his hands over Mulder's hand, holding on tightly. His fingers played with Mulder's own, pulling at them and bending them to whatever strange logic that was running through the younger man's mind.
"Mulder, I need to go," Alex looked over at the rat totem. It was bussling this way and that, sniffing Alex. Mulder thought that the rat had talked to Alex, keeping Mulder out of the conversation. Alex stood up, walking away to follow the rat.
"Alex, wait."
"Mulder, I need to go."
"I understand," but he didn't really understand why Alex had to leave. Apparently in the time that he waited, Alex had healed, but Mulder did not trust the recovery. He knew that Alex didn't have what it took to defend and protect him self. That was what he was for, he was the one chosen to protect Alex. "But before you go, please tell me where you are. I mean your body. I can help. I can defeat this, just tell me where you are."
Alex hesitated a second before answering his question, telling Mulder that he had traveled to DC. He said this as he was slipping out the door and Mulder ran after him, intending to get one last kiss, one last touch of Alex.
He passed through the doorway of cabin and woke up with a jerk, his body suddenly pulling on him, tying him in reality.
He was in the real world. Adam was staring at him with a bemused look, smiling at him like he understood what had just happened, though Mulder couldn't contemplate just how Adam knew.
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
"No, no I didn't. I couldn't keep a hold of him. I had him and then he was gone," Mulder said in exasperation.
Adam frowned, not understanding why Mulder had failed.
"I found my totem, he led me to Alex and helped me help him, but I didn't get what I wanted. I don't know where he is, really, or how to help him. I saw him with my heart, but I don't know what good that's going to do me. Are they always this mysterious?"
"The spirit world is very confusing. Sometimes they don't event talk to you in words, just pictures. It's like learning a different language." Adam grinned as he put away the objects from the spirit bag into the pouch. "You have answers, you just have to learn how to use them, learn what questions they are to."
"Ug, why can't anything be simple."
"Think how complicated things would be if you didn't go to the spirit world. You know more now then what you did a few hours ago."
Mulder looked at the clock to see that it was indeed hours later. In fact time seemed to flow slower in the spirit world then in the real world. He couldn't understand why that was. Time should have moved faster, like time in dreams.
Mulder didn't have a chance to follow his thoughts down or chase any theories his mind made up before Skinner was pounding on the door yelling something about finding him.
* * *
Back in the Spirit World
I make my escape from Mulder as quickly as I can. I don't want him anywhere near me. People near me usually end up dying and now people I'm interested in are killed by the spirit inhabiting my body.
I don't want to see Mulder in my dreams or in my nightmares. No matter how badly I want him.
And I do want him. I know that somehow with him I'll be safe. He's my comfort, my sanity, as ironic as that sounds. These feeling are enormous in their depth and complexity and I'm not sure how to handle it.
I know I want him, I want to be near him and maybe, just maybe try to have a relationship with him. But that's not possible now. If I get anywhere near Mulder, if I touch him, my touch is now deadly. If I love him, I'll kill him.
But that's just an excuse.
I can't love him because I won't. If I love him it won't kill him but it will kill me. Mulder's life is a vortex that sucks anyone down into its maw. I don't think I have the strength to survive in that world.
I finally take note of my surroundings.
Softly rounded hills tower over me where ever I look. Short evergreen trees cover the whole landscape. But these trees aren't short because they're young, but because of the howling wind. I look down and see that the hills are actually the rounded tops of a mountain I apparently climbed in my musings.
The huge rat is still moving in front of me. About the only reason I followed it when escaping Mulder was because it wasn't like the things outside. I felt safe with it so I absentmindedly followed it, letting it lead me where it may like a road hypnotized driver.
It had led me to beauty. It would be wonderful to take a vacation in this place, just me and Mulder.
And maybe some picnic supplies.
That would be nice. Mulder spread out on a picnic blanket, me snuggled in at his side.
I would hold him close to me, content on just feeling him near me.
But Mulder wouldn't. I could see him in my minds eye, nearly feel him as he touched me.
He would kiss me in my hair, following it around to my forehead. He'd be a frustrating bastard and skip over my mouth, choosing instead to suck on my neck.
He'd leave a bright mark of ownership. Then he'd bite his way down to my collarbone as he started to strip me.
He'd be naked from the outset.
Hedonist.
I'd feel that long, delicious prick in my hand, so hot and hard for me.
But he'd control the action. He'd controlled what happened to me, of whether the bruises on my skin are from punches or kisses. He'd have total control over me, using me like some gigantic blow up doll, dragging me around to fuck whenever.
I'm not sure if that idea frightened me or aroused me.
I'd settle for arousal for now. It's my fantasy.
He wouldn't play with my dick. He'd want to draw it out, let me come from just the feel of him fucking me.
He'd pull my pants down, using those very large hands, very sexy hands to stroke up and down my legs. I'd part them willingly, giving him access to what ever he wanted to touch.
And boy, would he touch. He'd touch my ribs, my stomach, sliding his hands over each and every sensitive part of my body, again and again.
He'd wait until he couldn't hold back anymore then he'd slide into me.
I'd part for him, like a bitch in heat.
Oh God, I need to sit down. Can I have a break Mr. Rat?
He'd fuck me hard, like some piston driver, intent on the one goal of making me nuts. And he'd do it.
His cock would feel so large in me, nearly breaking me in two.
And his mouth. That would be busy on my nipples, sucking and biting as only he can do.
And his hands, they would finally be touching me, pulling at me, rubbing that spot just behind the head. No wait, he'd be playing with the head, rolling the foreskin back and forth so gently, in such contrast to his other harsh actions.
Finally he'd jerk me hard, forcing my orgasm out of me, continuing to fuck me blind, until he comes.
Oh yeah, that's what he'd do.
And that's the very reason I have to stay away from him.
I hold my semen-covered fingers out for the rat, wondering if it'd lick it off. It comes over and sniffs at it, just like it sniffed and investigated everything else.
*Really,* it's voice whispers in my mind. I jerk back in shock. I know Mulder's fox thing talked to him. It took me a while to figure out I was listening to just one side of the conversation but I never actually heard the fox or the rat talk.
But I adjust to surprises easily. Apparently the rat knew that because soon it was starting to scurry away, intent on leading me where ever I'm supposed to go.
I looked around for somewhere to wipe my hand but didn't really see anything but rocks and dirt. I didn't want to wipe it on my jeans so I just sucked on my fingers.
I quickly started fantasizing that it was Mulder's seed but then stopped when I realized that'd just make more semen I'd have to dispose of.
* * *
Brothers of Mercy Hospital
Atlanta, GeorgiaThe ME pulled off his glove with a dramatic snap. The latex sound loud among the catacombs of the dead.
"They're dead." The ME announced crisply.
"I know that," Skinner crisply said back, as annoyed by the ME as the ME was with the FBI agents that kept him on the clock after he should have been home hours ago. "What I want to know is how did they die?"
"The same way that was written on the original report. That one died happy," he pointed to the second body in, "so did that one. The other three died of cancer, heart failure, and appendicitis."
Skinner pulled off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose and gave thanks that he usually had to work with confident people, people like Scully. Of course he usually didn't visit the morgue innless it involved an X-File and Scully was more then adept at getting the right information or a close facsimile if the case was of extra ordinary portions.
Mulder himself watched the bodies, only half a mind listening to Skinner and the tired ME argue. He had read through the case files on the flight to Atlanta. The first victim was found dead, apparently frozen to death but the autopsy showed that the victim had expired previous to freezing. The second victim was an orderly, a man who was found dead in the bed of a man who was brought in with car injuries. The car was stolen just outside of Atlanta at a service station where the first victim was found.
Two of the victims died of illnesses they incurred previous to checking into the hospital. The woman was suffering from breast cancer and was going into surgery in a few days for a mastectomy. The autopsy reports read that the cancer had traveled and infected most of her major organs. She had died in complete agony.
The heart patient had come in complaining of chest pains. Autopsy results read that he had died of total heart, vain, and artery shut down. It was like his entire pulmonary system clamped down and stayed that way. He too had died in incomprehensible pain.
The last patient was a college student who was getting her tonsils removed prior to loosing her parents insurance. She had been rooming with the cancer patient, both waiting for surgery. Her appendix had burst, causing untold pain until she died of the injury.
Two in pleasure, three in pain and no rational explanation for any of their deaths. They were all going to be listed as natural causes.
But Mulder could tell that they didn't die of natural causes. When he first came into the room, he didn't notice anything different or strange. He'd been to many morgues and they didn't bother him. What did bother him was how the corpses felt.
It wasn't anything funny like they were covered in something, but when he touched one of them, asking a question of the ME and pointing at something, the body had felt empty. It had felt like he had suddenly thrust his hand into outer space and his body was slowly being sucked through that hole.
The bodies were empty, drained of something they needed in order to survive.
He knew it was Alex, or rather the thing that had Alex.
As soon as Mulder found Alex and rescued him he was going to give him a piece of his mind. DC indeed. Of course this gave him an excuse to keep more of an eye on the beautiful man.
And he would be given a chance. The deaths so far were being ruled as natural causes. Alex wouldn't be sent up the river for murders the usurper committed while wearing Alex's body.
It was a strange but valid comfort and he held onto that hope of the future with everything he had.
* * *
And (finally) onto Nicole.