Blind Sided
by Ursula
Notes: Dedicated to departed friends, Vesta, Bette St. Cloud, Vera Lucia, Mary Ann: I miss you guys!
Time Frame: Takes place soon after Scully's abduction and alternate time line from there
Mulder's voice crackled with excitement.
"I've found Scully and the little rat who took her."
"What? Is she okay?"
"She's unconscious, but the doctors can't find anything wrong with her. Krycek won't say what he did to her."
"Alex Krycek?"
"Yeah."
"Do I need to send someone for him?" I asked.
"No, I'm bringing him in. Scully is stable. I was just waiting for her Mom to show up and she just got here."
Mulder sounded alive again after months of walking around like a zombie. I was shocked at how far down my agent had gone without his partner.
"You're sure you want to leave the hospital?" I asked.
"Yeah, they'll call me the minute she wakes up," Mulder replied.
§ § §
There was no doubt that Krycek pissed me off. I didn't fully understand why.
Or maybe I did.
The agent had waltzed in to my office with a fuck me script so obvious that I had no problem avoiding him.
Yeah, my type, tall, nice ass, pretty face, and very clean cut. I knew the smoking man was aware of the way I had strayed. I wasn't sure if Krycek was supposed to be temptation or payment, but I hadn't gone for it.
That they tried was enough to fill me with rage.
I still wanted him though. His image had fed my fantasies even after he had disappeared. Rape fantasies weren't my thing, but I made an exception for Agent Krycek.
§ § §
Krycek looked a little worse for the wear. He was wearing scuffed boots, worn black denim, and a faded black tee shirt. His hair had grown since I had last seen him.
There were bruises on his face.
Stumbling, Krycek caught himself on the table edge a moment before Mulder shoved him.
"Fuck you," Krycek snarled as he grabbed for his chair.
"Shut up until you're asked a question," I snapped.
A flash of brilliant green eyes, a toss of hair grown unruly was his silent but still defiant reply.
He leaned back in his seat, arrogant, full of it.
(Beautiful)
"What were you doing with Scully?"
Smirk.
"You are going to tell me why you were with Scully!"
"I just so wanted to dye my hair red and needed some good tips from her," Krycek replied, adding a lisp to his delivery and a flip of his wrist.
I didn't mean to do more than scare Krycek when I shoved at the chair. The man was off balance, rocked back on the back legs of the wooden chair. He fell badly, his head hitting the wall with a sickening thud.
Mulder's laugh stuttered through the room.
"Good interrogation technique, shut him right up," Mulder remarked.
Mulder knelt and tapped at Krycek's face, "Up. Wake up."
Krycek moaned and curled on the floor, an arm held defensively over his head.
"Come on," Mulder said, "Stop the drama. I get hit on the head all the time."
There were smelling salts in the first aid kit along with bandages that looked to be surplus from World War two or maybe even the first one.
I crouched by Krycek and waved the packet under his nose. A moment later, Krycek batted at him, his eyelashes fluttered, and he moaned. His beautiful eyes opened and then the man uttered a sound of terror.
"Krycek, knock off the drama," Mulder scolded.
"I can't see, I can't fucking see!"
The words felt like a slug to my stomach. "Don't bullshit me, Krycek."
If nothing else did, the wild, aimless attempt to punch me persuaded me that Krycek was telling the truth.
I felt set up again, sick.
Mulder was already up, calling 911 on his cell phone.
I felt as if I was in a vacuum. I could not get my breath.
Struggling to get up, Krycek whimpered.
"Stay down," Mulder said. "Look, Krycek, it's probably just some temporary thing. You'll be okay."
Somehow, Krycek grasped Mulder's hand, holding onto it. "I don't like the dark, Mulder. Don't leave me in the dark."
"Don't get, hysterical, Krycek," Mulder said, but he didn't take away the hand.
"Krycek, what were you doing with Scully?"
"Bringing her back to you," Krycek said. "Brought her to a healer and then I was bringing her home."
"Why?"
"You needed her," Krycek said. He moaned again and said, "My head is on fire."
Krycek's eyes rolled back and he was out.
§ § §
Knowing you are in deep shit is compounded by knowing you put yourself there.
What had I been thinking? I thought better of myself than this. Yeah, Mulder did things like that, hitting a suspect, but I hadn't clawed my way to the top by making stupid ass mistakes like that.
I followed Krycek to the hospital. Mulder rode with him, mostly because his ex-partner wouldn't let go of his hand.
Why did I feel jealous?
§ § §
Almost as soon as we arrived, Scully woke up and Mulder went dashing to her side.
I stayed with Krycek, stewing outside the door as they did an MRI on him.
The neurologist who had been called into see Krycek was about my age or a little older. He had wild tuffs of white hair on either side of huge ears. His pale blue eyes looked offended by my suit. He wore a tie so ugly that Mulder would have killed for it. The tie had pink elephants dancing on a field of purple. The elephant theme was continued in a decoration that covered his stethoscope.
"I'm Doctor Floyd," the neurologist announced. "Mr. Krycek received quite a blow to his head."
It came out as an accusation. I have a feeling that I had met Doctor Floyd way back when. When I was a wounded kid returning from a dirty little war with my body and spirit bleeding. I had met Doctor Floyd at the airport or someone like him.
He was yelling 'Baby Killer...'
"I'm not a fan of police brutality," Floyd said.
"Neither am I," I said, frostily. "Krycek fell."
"Hard enough to cause a concussion?" Floyd asked.
"Maybe," I said. "He didn't catch himself."
"A bit hard to do in handcuffs," Floyd pointed out.
"About the concussion," I asked, "Is that why he is blind?"
"No, there is no involvement with his occipital nerves and the injury was not near the visual center of his brain."
"Could he be faking the injury?" I asked.
"He is not responding to any stimulation to his eyes so I would say not unless he is a master of yogi or some other body controlling method."
I actually thought about that for several seconds before shaking my head.
"I didn't think so," the neurologist remarked. Dr. Floyd had intense eyes exaggerated by a heavy brow line. Right now, his eyes seemed to be expressing dislike for me.
"You must have some kind of interrogation technique," the doctor said.
"It was an accident," I said. "He fell."
"Funny, a lot of suspects in custody seem so clumsy."
"I want to talk to him," I said.
"That might not be medically advisable," Dr. Floyd said.
Brushing by him, I said "Agent Krycek, it's Skinner. I want to talk to you alone."
His unseeing eyes moved anyway. They were as beautiful as ever despite the lack of sight. His hands moved over the sheet that covered him and he said, "Okay."
"Mr. Krycek," Dr. Floyd said. "You don't have to be alone with this man. I can contact an attorney for you."
"Why?" Krycek started, the word ragged. He tried to clear his throat and then said, "Water."
There were ice chips in a cup. I gave him some, my body reacting to his lips, dry as they were.
"Thank you."
Trying again, Krycek said, his face turned to one side, "I have nothing to fear from AD Skinner."
The doctor glanced at me as if to see what I was doing to control Krycek. I wondered myself.
"Let me talk to him," Krycek said. "I need to talk to him."
§ § §
As soon as Floyd left, I said, "What are you up to, Krycek? Why not blow the whistle on me?"
Before I could get an answer, my cell phone rang. I had asked to be notified once the search was complete on Krycek. I wanted to know what charges could be filed.
"Sir, the computer records show that Agent Krycek was given leave because of a medical condition."
"That's not true," I protested. "He left without permission, blowing off a meeting with internal affairs over the death of Duane Barry."
"There's no record of that," Agent Georges said. "The record shows Agent Krycek filed paperwork asking for medical leave because of an unspecified neurological condition and that he turned in all his required forms. He was approved."
"I don't know how that could be," I said.
"Sorry, sir," Agent Georges replied. "Do you want me to make an official inquiry?"
"Yes," I said then looking at Krycek, I changed my mind. "No, leave it alone."
After turning off my cell phone in belated compliance to hospital policy, I pulled a chair close to the bed and said, "How did you pull that one off, Krycek?"
"I didn't," Krycek said. "I guess they did."
"Who? Your slimy boss? The man with the bad habit?"
"I don't know. Maybe. But I don't understand why. I fucked him over good."
"A habit you seem to make of your employers," I said, thinking of my headaches in response to Krycek's betrayal.
"I didn't have any choice, AD Skinner," Krycek said.
"How so?"
There was no reply. Krycek closed his eyes and his lips drew into a straight line as if he willed the truth to not escape.
"Why did you bring Scully back?" I asked.
"Because it wasn't her fault," Krycek said. "I screwed up. I didn't mean for them to take her. I just wanted them to leave Mulder alone."
"Because?" I asked.
"Because he's important."
"As opposed to Scully?"
"As opposed to any of us," Krycek said. "Certainly more important than me."
The thought occurred to me that certain paramecium were higher on the scale of importance than Krycek. My only current concern with the man was that he could bring charges against me.
"You want to tell me about Mulder? He's important because you have some kind of homosexual crush on him?" I drew the word out like a Baptist preacher, ignoring the guilty surge I felt. Memories of poorly controlled desires.
"I don't think with my dick," Krycek said. "You think you understand how this world works? You are so wrong."
My fingers curled into fists without conscious plan. I might have done my best to shake the truth out of that lying sack of shit Krycek, but the doctor returned.
"I've called your internal affairs," Dr. Floyd announced with triumph.
"Shit," Krycek and I said together.
I understood why I was concerned, but not him.
§ § §
Having been escorted from Krycek's room, I went to check on Scully.
She looked pale, but pretty. Not in bad shape at all.
Mulder was holding her hand and her mother sat on her bed, hugging her.
"Agent Scully, I am overjoyed at your return."
Such formal words. Dana Scully was special to me, a tiny tough woman in a world of big men. I felt protective of her the way I had been raised to be, but it was not often that she allowed me to be gallant.
I said, "Can you tell me what happened?"
Scully's face grew greyer. She said, "They took me. Professionals. I tried to call for help when I heard them outside and realized that my alarm system wasn't working. I didn't have time to say what was happening. They knocked me out and when I woke up, I was somewhere. A laboratory. They performed medical procedures on me. There were...there were aliens."
Maggie Scully said, "Dear, I'm sure that's just some sort of protective reaction to what happened. Aliens..."
I could see where Dana Scully learned to provide rational but improbable explanations for the weirdness of Mulder's world.
This time Scully shook her head and said, "No, mother, I wish that were true. I saw them. I felt them. If it weren't for Agent Krycek."
"Krycek?" I asked. "Did he help abduct you?"
"No, sir," Scully said. "He turned up at the laboratory. They were done with me. I think I was dying. He came to my bed and he got me out. I remember being in a car with him and then there was...an angel. A man who glowed and he touched me. Suddenly, I was fine. I was just tired and Krycek said to sleep. He said he was bringing me home and I woke up here, at this hospital."
"You're sure that Krycek wasn't part of the operation?"
"I never saw him there and they shot at him when we were escaping."
"Could have been staged," I said.
"Yes, but he was grazed so they must have been playing it real if it was acting," Scully said.
"I didn't see any wounds,"
"The healer, the alien, touched his head and healed the wound just as he healed me."
It didn't make sense. As far as Mulder and I knew, Alex Krycek packed up and fled the day after he and Mulder returned from Skyland Mountain. Mulder's story of finding cigarette ashes and butts in the bureau car he had shared with Krycek made us certain that Krycek had been a mole.
"He said it took a while to find me. That there were a lot of labs and he couldn't get into the computer because they didn't trust him. He said that he almost got caught as it was."
I still didn't buy it.
§ § §
The Office of Professional Responsibility brings pure joy to my life.
I have had them visit me all too often since the day Mulder came under my command. Ha, as if Mulder obeyed orders with any kind of regularity.
I think I had a full head of hair before Mulder.
Krycek had his eyes closed, lashes thick on his cheeks, lids a dusky color as if he had been using eye shadow. His face was pale with his lips the only color until he opened his eyes. Luminous green eyes.
Krycek didn't look old enough to be a mole or even an agent. He looked like an ill child.
The OPR investigator looked as if he wanted to have Krycek on his knee or maybe on his knees. He said, "Agent Krycek, I am Special Agent Wilson with the Office of Professional Responsibility. I'm here to investigate an allegation of excessive force."
"Who said that?" Krycek said.
"Dr. Floyd."
"I appreciate his concern," Krycek replied, "But I did trip and fall. If you check my record, you will see I've had some medical issues. I get dizzy sometimes. That's all that happened."
"AD Skinner, I'm going to ask you to wait in the hall."
I expected that and went out, leaning against the wall.
After a while, Special Agent Wilson came out and said, "AD Skinner, I can't help thinking there is something hinky about Krycek's condition, but since he states that there was no force used, I can't prove anything. Why did your agent arrest him in the first place? There is nothing on record that supports an investigation."
Relieved and feeling guilty, I walked back into the room and shut the door behind me.
"You want to tell me why you lied for me?" I asked.
"What lie? I fell. That's it. That's all there is."
Krycek closed his eyes and said, "I'm tired. I'm going to get some sleep even if they have to wake me in an hour."
I had tried to get to the truth. Maybe I hadn't tried too hard, but my conscience was flexible.
§ § §
Honestly, I forgot about Krycek for the next week until Mulder came into my office and said, "Sir, there's a problem with Krycek."
"What? Did he turn up dead?"
I half expected there to be an assassination attempt, but I hadn't heard of any attempts so far.
"No, he doesn't have any place to go and they need to release him."
"So take him home. You owe him one for Scully."
"My goldfish all died again," Mulder said.
I sighed. Mulder looked at me with puppy dog eyes. "Come on, sir, if it doesn't work out, we can leave him in a box at someone's door."
Between guilt and gratitude, I found myself nodding.
Walter Skinner, sap of the month.
§ § §
In the week since I had seen him, Krycek had lost weight. He looked terrible in a Camille sort of way. He's too pretty to really lose his looks, but he was wan and his bone structure was becoming prominent with the loss of body fat.
"You look like shit," I remarked as I entered the room.
"Thank you very much," Krycek said, "Fortunately, I am spared the sight of my own decay."
"You bucking for a psychiatric stay?" I asked, flipping through his chart. "You have to eat."
"I lost my appetite," Krycek said.
"What are your plans?" I asked.
"The social worker said she was working on a temporary assisted living placement."
"You like that idea?"
"I'd prefer a tin cup and a cardboard box."
"I owe you. You can come home with me. I have a spare room," I said.
His expression was transparent. He was disgusted, obviously assuming I meant to make him pay with his body then he was resigned.
"Yeah, anything is better than a nursing home," Krycek said.
"No strings attached," I said.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I have a spare room with a bed. You will sleep there."
Krycek didn't look relieved. I think he felt obligated to pay in the only way he could at the time.
Groping for his boots, Krycek felt them before putting them on and tying the laces.
"You have clothes someplace?" I asked.
"I left them in the car," Krycek said.
"We'll stop and check with impound. The car isn't licensed to you."
"Or anyone else."
Krycek was correct. The vehicle didn't exist as far as any records could be found. It was a black Taurus, as plain as any government car.
"You borrow that car from someone we know?"
Krycek managed a smile and said, "Yeah, I don't think that they'll miss it."
I took Krycek's arm guiding him to the wheelchair in which the hospital expected him to ride to the door. He followed my lead, letting me place his hand on the arms of the chair.
His eyes closed as I wheeled him out.
I don't know who was more nervous about the arrangement, me or him.
§ § §
Krycek had a duffle bag; two suits hung in the back. He had some dress shoes back there as well. I loaded them into my car along with some books. I remembered Krycek was a reader. I saw him reading over lunch several times when he was in his green agent guise.
Krycek felt the pile of books and gave a bitter laugh. "Lot of good that's going to do me."
"I'll read to you," I found myself promising. "I like reading aloud. I read at the hospital when I was recovering after 'nam."
"The nurse gave me some talking book catalogs," Krycek said. "If you don't mind me using your address."
"It's okay," I said. Surprisingly I was looking forward to having someone at my house.
Even Krycek.
§ § §
Krycek said he was tired when we arrived home. I helped him into his room. He was wearing Mulder's sweat pants and shirt so all he had to do was take off his coat and shoes to go to bed.
I turned the bedcovers over for him. He felt for the covers and pulled them up to his chin. I turned the light off as I left.
He sighed. A deep yearning sound.
Mulder had sent his gunmen over to help me with my security. If Krycek wasn't playing with me, he might be in danger from his former employees. I checked the system to make sure it was working. Everything was on green status.
I made some dinner, beef stroganoff, thinking the rich cream sauce might add some needed calories to Alex's diet. Besides the process of cooking soothed me.
I read through a stack of reports while I waited for the beef to cook. About the time that the timer went off, I heard a thump from my guest bedroom. I found Krycek on his knees. He grimaced and said, "I didn't know that stool was there."
"We'll walk the house later," I said. "What do you need?"
"Bathroom, shower," Krycek said.
I led him to the bathroom, helping him locate everything he might need. "Don't lock the door," I said. "Yell if you need help."
"Thanks."
I went to get fresh clothing for Alex. I was happy to get him out of Mulder's hand me downs. I felt territorial about him even though I had no intention of taking advantage of him being in my home.
No, never.
§ § §
"Don't watch me eat," Krycek said, hunched over the beef stroganoff.
"I'm not," I said, "I brought some work home. I'm going to read some reports over dinner."
"This is pretty good," Krycek said, a few moments later. "You go to a deli when I was asleep?"
"No, I made it," I said, trying to keep the pride out of my voice. "The departmental counselor said I had to take up a hobby and I couldn't think of anything except cooking. I do like to eat. Might as well do something practical. Good to have someone to cook for."
"I haven't had any appetite. The nurses were always watching. Making me feel helpless."
"You'll pick up some skills," I said. "You'll adjust."
"Don't know if I want to."
"My next door neighbor, Ms. Gaborski, is going to check in on you, during the day, get your lunch and make sure you are okay."
"She's a nice lady," I added. "I need to ask you, is he coming after you?"
Krycek laughed and said, "No, she'll be safe. I took out some insurance. If something happens to me, there a lot of information that Spender doesn't want known that will go out."
"Why Scully?" I asked.
"I told you," Krycek said. "For Mulder."
"You..." I hesitated and said, "You're in love with him?"
"He doesn't love me. Anything else you need to ask him. Are you sleeping with him, Skinner?"
I shoved my plate so hard that it slopped over onto one of my files. "I don't think that's any of your business, Krycek."
I went to my room for a while until guilt drove me out. Krycek had found his way to his room. I checked on him and then cleaned the kitchen. I worked late into the night and then went to bed, door left open in case Krycek needed me.
Despite my earlier anger, I realized that I was happy in some small way that I had someone to look after. Really, even when I was married, Sharon had been strong and independent, not needing care although she had sometimes sniped at me, blaming me because she felt embarrassed by how self sufficient she was.
I never understood Sharon. I had fallen in love with her because she was strong. I don't know why she felt it was something to be ashamed of. Nor did I understand why she was angry when I tried to protect her and angry when I stopped. Finally, I gave up trying.
Krycek was different. He needed me. I could get addicted to that.
§ § §
I woke from a sound sleep at the sound of a muffled sob. I found Krycek outside of his room, leaning on his arm and crying.
"I hate the dark. He punished me by locking me in the dark and the rats...the rats would run across me."
"There are no rats here," I reassured.
"Now it's dark forever," Krycek said.
"Who did that to you," I asked, "Locked you in the dark?"
"My father did," Krycek admitted.
"Would you like to sleep with me?" I offered. "just sleep?"
"Yeah," Krycek said. "I should admit it, but I don't think I can sleep by myself. You must be laughing at me."
As I guided him to my bed, I assured him, "I'm not laughing."
He was asleep before I could adjust to the company. I could see his profile against the pillow I gave him. His face was sweet in sleep, almost boyish as pure as my thoughts about him were not.
§ § §
I woke feeling wonderful. My sleep was often troubled. I had every reason to have nightmares. Sometimes they followed historical sequence from Vietnam to some of the worst case I worked as a field agent. The more recent ones started the smoking man and dead agents. I remembered no dreams or nightmares and stretched in the luxury of untroubled slumber. My hand touched warm smooth flesh and sleepily, I caressed my lover. My untroubled mind didn't ask who was in my bed. I enjoyed the strong smooth muscle.
My lover sighed softly as I brushed his face. I felt a kiss on my hand and the touch of his hand. Then I heard Alex's voice, a sudden startled, "oh!"
I adored him in that moment and wanted so much to turn toward him, kiss the hell out of him and take him until neither of us could move.
"Sorry, Skinner," Alex apologized. "I forgot that...I thought that..."
I slowly took my hand away and sat up. His eyes were luminous in the early morning light.
"I wasn't trying anything," Alex said.
"I know," I admitted. "I touched you first."
"There's nothing that says we couldn't sleep together."
"I think we already did that, Agent Krycek," I replied, not knowing whether I gave him his old title out of this new found affection or to put distance between us.
"I'm going to grab a shower. Do you need anything first?"
"No, I'm okay. I can wait."
I knew he could not see me smiling at him nor the way my eyes passed over his sleek body, but he blushed anyway.
I had a feeling I was not going to be able to resist this temptation for long.
§ § §
Ms. Gaborski was probably a great beauty in her day and still had wonderful skin. Her hair was thick, piled like a treasure of silver on her head. I sometimes helped her with her groceries and she sometimes made me dinner. Our relationship was based on mock flirtation with some maternal overtones at the same time.
Elena Gaborski was far from a pitiful old woman. She volunteered in the battered woman's shelter. She worked every year on a Christmas project to buy gifts for foster children. She also was interested in animal rescue, a project that had resulted in a small menagerie of creatures, a parrot that only had one wing, a cat that was blind and a one eyed dog that was the cat's seeing eye guide. Her most recent acquisition was a very mischievous ferret. I pled guilty to that addition since I had found the creature in the parking garage at work. How it got there I have no idea and no one would admit to owning the creature. My brief attempt to keep it was foiled by the ferret's relentless misbehavior. It was more trouble than Mulder!
Fortunately, Elena was enchanted and asked for my one pound trouble maker.
She was happy to look in on Krycek and probably would have found a place for him on her couch if I proved equally unable to care for him.
§ § §
Leaving Krycek in capable hands, I was still able to arrive at work on time. Of course, I normally get to work an hour early to have time to handle paperwork before the endless interruptions. Kim usually tried to get there before me to make me coffee and sort the memos in order of priority.
Kim was typing when I arrived and looked a little lost. She must have had time to catch up on some of her own to do list instead of helping me move mine.
"Agent Mulder wants..."
"To see you," Mulder's voice chimed in.
I had a feeling that I was going to be more than an hour behind.
"How did it go?" Mulder asked.
I looked at him with suspicion. Despite his reputation for being work obsessed, Mulder had problems keeping it in his pants, another reason why Scully and he had not ended up in a romantic relationship. I knew from attempts to blackmail him that Mulder didn't just stick to females in his interest in steamy hot sex. I was surprised that Alex didn't know that, but I had kept my mouth shut. Let Alex think Mulder was beyond his reach.
"No problems," I said.
The smirk annoyed me. "Mulder...."
"Sir?"
There was no way to reprehend him without admitting I knew.
"I'm surprised you didn't volunteer to take care of him."
"I think Scully would kill me," Mulder admitted.
He shrugged and said, "She doesn't want to live with me, but I don't think making cozy with Alex is allowed."
The truth was if Mulder cared enough for Alex, that wouldn't make a difference.
"I think he would make it complicated," Mulder said.
Was it going to be different with me?
Is that what Alex wanted? Did he want complications? Something more than a fuck buddy?
I grabbed a stack of forms needing approval and said, "How is Scully doing?"
"She's fine. Her mother is springing her at noon. There's nothing wrong with her but exhaustion."
"Good," I said. I poked my head out and said, "Kim, send Agent Scully some flowers from me. And some chocolate."
§ § §
I hope no one noticed I left at six pm and without work. I think Mulder would have had me investigated as an alien replacement.
The apartment was dark when I arrived although something smelled good. Something ran up my leg and I uttered what I hoped sounded like a manly roar although I hit a higher pitch than I had known I was capable of doing.
It was just Ratso, the ferret.
Alex had been resting on the couch with his head in Elena Gaborski's lap. He thrashed around as my scream woke him. "Get a gun," Alex yelled, trying to get in front of my elderly neighbor.
"It's okay. It's me. The damn ferret attacked me."
"Oh, nonsense," Elena said said. "He adores you, Walter."
The ferret had climbed to my shoulder and was grinning at me. It could have been friendly, but it looked too much like Spender for my comfort.
"I made chicken stew," Elena said. "All I have to do is add the dumplings."
Mollified, I asked Alex, "How are you feeling?"
"I had a headache most of the day."
"Maybe we should call the doctor."
"It's gone now and I have an appointment on Thursday."
I didn't push the matter. I said, "All right, but if it's as bad tomorrow, call me. I can take some time off."
Hell, I had time built up enough to take a year off.
The chicken stew was good as were the dumplings. As good as my grandmother used to make. Alex had an appetite and he seemed okay. Not that I was that worried. I mean why should I care?
Maybe I would find someplace for Krycek tomorrow. Or next week.
No hurry either way.
§ § §
After Elena left, I washed the dishes. Alex asked if he could help. I let him dry. Cozy, domestic.
Knowing he was going to be in my bed, I took a second shower, shaved the heavy shadow from my face. I laughed at myself as I realized I was getting an erection as I washed myself. Seems like I was too old for all of this.
He was in my bed. I lifted the covers and saw that he was just wearing boxers. Okay. When I slid into the bed, he reached for me.
I started to move his hand away, but he said, "Please. Please. Make me feel alive."
I studied his face, worried that it was a trap. Damn, his mouth, full pink lips, white teeth, the tip of his tongue. I was lost in that glance. His mouth was made to be kissed, to be ravaged. My hand seemed huge as it cupped his chin. I had never kissed anyone quite like this, brutal, demanding, devouring.
He whimpered, his hands exploring my back. I took a moment to undress, remove the token barrier of his boxers. His cock was hard and dark against the nest of pubic hair. He wanted me and I was going to have him.
I leaned over him for lube and condoms. I wanted to fuck him and since he had started this, I didn't feel I needed to ask him.
I liked opening him. It was a necessity, but it enticed me. It was not just knowing I would be inside him. I like the way his eyes rolled, his nostrils flared, and the way his chest rose as he pulled in deeper breaths. My fingers explored him until he shuddered and said, "Come on, do it to me."
No more invitation needed. I gingerly slid the condom over my eager cock and took him. He accepted me with a shuddering sigh, his body so open to me. He thrust back at me, claiming me.
It was everything I had denied myself for so long. I could feel his strength surrendering to me, silken skin over hard muscle. His gasps driving me insane.
I held back, not wanting this to end. I felt him come as I was deep inside him. That finished me. I lay on him too long for good manners, but I couldn't move for the life of me.
When he started to wiggle and huff, I managed to roll off.
"That was fantastic," I said, stroking Alex's back.
"Mmmph," Alex said. "Go get something to clean me up. I'm not moving."
Fair enough. I got up, feeling damn good. Nothing like getting laid. I got a basin that I usually used for the prosaic purpose of soaking my feet. I washed Alex with minimal help from him and then climbed into the slightly damp bed and put my arms around him.
"This could be habit forming," Alex said.
There was a million questions I could have asked him, but he snuggled into my arms and slept like an innocent.
§ § §
The next morning started with stepping into the basin I hadn't bothered to put away. I cursed as the water sloshed over my carpeting. Alex rolled out of bed, reaching, I thought, for a gun that wasn't there. However, he came up with one. He yelled, "Walter?"
"I'm fine," I said. "Put that away. How do you expect to aim?"
"I have really good hearing," Alex said, in a hurt voice.
"Uh huh," I replied, taking the gun from him. "Let me protect you. Alex, there's a hell of a lot you can learn to do without sight, but shooting what you want to hit is probably not one of them."
Running his words together and lip jutting like a sulky child, Alex muttered," Yeah, like you care."
Alex's ass was a temptation in more than one way. I wanted to give it a swat.
"I care."
"Because of last night?"
"Yeah, maybe, I'm old fashioned. I like to care about the people I screw. Now, if you excuse me, I have to sop up the water I just spilled and get ready for work."
My irritation didn't last long. My body was singing, congratulating me on giving it what it wanted. I quickly showered and then checked on Alex. He was out of bed, working his way toward the bathroom. He had a frown of concentration on his face and I realized that he was counting the steps.
I stopped myself from helping him and quietly went to the kitchen to cook breakfast.
Alex arrived a reasonable time later, properly dressed. Elena had helped him organize his dresser and closet so he could dress without help. I don't know if I would have been so determined to be independent if I lost my sight. I think I might have climbed into a bottle and stayed there.
I arranged the scrambled eggs, toast, and orange slices on his plate and gave them the clock directions for them. He managed to eat neatly. I imagine relearning his life was exhausting. I had always found Alex attractive, now I think I was falling in love with him.
It wasn't something I expected or wanted. I don't think I could stop myself though.
When I left for work, I tilted Alex's chin up to kiss him goodbye. He returned the kiss and said, "Thank you, Walter, for everything."
I could have said the same to him.
I could think...what if I lost him? I didn't know how empty I let my life become until I took Alex home. What would I do if I lost him?
§ § §
The day went by at light speed. Even Mulder's report did not need to be sent back for clarification. It was a miracle.
I took a lunch break, not so much to eat, although I grabbed a hot dog off a court. My real intention was to buy Alex a present, a stack of audio books and a player. I didn't know what he liked to read so filled a bag with everything from non fiction to mysteries. I threw a box of chocolates on top of it all.
I could hardly wait to leave work, eager to deliver my present.
Elena had made herself at home. Her ferret ambushed me when I walked toward Alex, who was sprawled on the couch. Ratso had been hiding below. He didn't bite me, but scared the hell out of me. Alex had his feet up, perhaps because of his companions, Fenris, the aging wolf hound and Lily-May, the cat, both curled at his feet. Elena had been reading to him.
I think I was jealous.
"I bought you some presents," I said. "An audio player and some books."
"Cool," Alex said, untangled himself from his pets.
Elena gathered her creatures, kissed Alex on his forehead, rumpling his hair with her strong hand, and said, "See you tomorrow, sweet heart"
After I helped Elena back to her apartment, I was eager to show Alex what I had bought for him. I read the titles to him. He said he would read them all.
He laughed and said, "When I was a kid, I used to dream about being locked up in a library. Don't get me wrong. I loved sports, but I also loved to read. My father was pretty one sided. He wanted a son who was like him, not a dreamy scholar. He was proud that he never willingly read a fiction book in his life. He used to complain about the assigned reading in my classes, always said, what good would it do to read all those lies? That's what he called fiction."
"Sounds like a hard ass."
"He was," Alex agreed.
"I shouldn't have said that."
"No, you're right. He is not much of a father. He had my life scripted, Annapolis...a navy career. Anytime, I didn't meet his expectations, he let me know in creative ways. My mother was nice enough, but she died when I was five, leaving me with that monster. As soon as I realized I was free, I rebelled by joining the FBI. It was after my first tour of duty. It took me that long to realize he couldn't tell me what to do."
I suppose I imagined Krycek had been raised in a lab. Maybe he would have been better off.
"When did...when did you meet Spender?"
"During academy, you saw my record. Top of my class. My father was begrudgingly accepting my choices. Only, I met someone. It wasn't even serious. A one time fling. He seemed too good to be true and then he was. He was a plant. Spender threatened to send everything to my father and I was weak enough to give in. Isn't that classic?"
I nodded.
"But it was more elegant than that. The director had instructed me to watch for Spender and to go along with it. I wouldn't have fallen for Spender's plant. I'm not a one night stand kind of guy, Walter."
I should have been paying attention to his story, but I was delighted instead to hear what he said about his sexuality. I loved sex, but I was raised to be monogamous. Even if I couldn't marry Alex, I didn't want it to be casual.
A moment later, I was back on track. "The director? So you were a double agent?"
"To be honest, I don't know. Walter, there are things out there that even Mulder couldn't imagine. There are these people...not human, Walter. They can change shapes, look like anyone they want. So now I don't know what is true or not. It could have been one of those things that told me to go along with Spender."
"Do you want me to find out?" I offered.
Shaking his head, Alex said, "It's too late now for me. They erased Mulder's accusations, but who would work with me even if I could see?"
He was right. I shouldn't have been pleased but I was. He was all mine as he could never be if he was an FBI agent.
§ § §
I had a check up the second week that Alex stayed with me. I was surprised to hear my chronic ulcer was healing. My doctor congratulated me and advised me to keep doing whatever I was doing. That made me smirk. I don't think my doctor had any idea.
My life had a new routine that consisted of fewer early mornings and late evenings. I usually had a home cooked meal and sometimes even went home to have lunch with Alex and Elena. I found time to work out, usually with Alex. He had been an active man and after the first week, he needed to work out to keep from feeling trapped.
Swimming was one of the things he could still do. Mulder told me that Alex had loved to play basketball. During their brief partnership, they had bonded over that mutual love. Unfortunately, that was beyond Alex's present limitations. He could swim though. We would swim together, a dreamy erotic experience with his smooth flesh close to mine in the water. Much better than swimming with dolphins!
He did weights with me also and could run, touching one of my arms so I could guide him. Tai chi started each day. He was not entirely graceful, but his powerful body held a wild energy as he followed the ancient patterns. It was as if his strength fought the restraint of the prescribed movements. In that, he was beautiful.
I thought that he was not unhappy. Nothing could make up for the loss of his vision, but I doted on him. Only some lingering fear kept me from telling him that I loved him. I had been hurt before. I had promised myself that I would not fall in love again and I thought I had guarded myself well.
Alex was tumbling down all my walls.
§ § §
Scully was back at work, guilt tripping Mulder into getting her a desk the first day. Her abduction had changed her. She couldn't stand to go back to her apartment so was staying with her mother while she looked for a high rise security apartment. She had always been strong and self sufficient, but now hated to be alone. She was talking about giving up field work.
Despite, Scully's issues, Mulder was getting back to his old self. I shudder to think what would have happened if Scully had been gone longer than two weeks. I don't think Mulder would have recovered from his self hatred. I was familiar with his sister's abduction and I know he blamed himself...with a little help from the pair of assholes he had drawn for parents. Scully's abduction had retriggered all of his feelings of inadequacy and loss.
Funny thing, that a gruff ex-marine like myself understood that better than Dana did.
Maybe I needed to have a talk with her.
§ § §
Out of some misguided fatherly instinct, I dragged Mulder home with me to one of Elena's fabulous dinners. She had cooked rosemary chicken in clay, two tender chickens stuffed with vegetables and a plethora of new potatoes.
Mulder stuffed himself, didn't throw any barbs at Alex, and in general, acted civilized.
It was an age of miracles.
As Mulder left, he drew me outside.
Bristling, I was prepared to hear him spoil the evening. Instead, Mulder said, "The gunmen said that there's been a lot of activity on the net, searching for something involving Alex. I think they are trying to find his safety net. Watch out, Walter."
Mulder's smile was sad. He said, "I want you to be happy."
"I'll watch over him."
§ § §
Still, it was difficult to be on alert when there seemed to be no reason. Thanksgiving passed. It was nearing Christmas. Elena was dressing a live tree with tiny ornaments from her polyglot heritage and travels. For Alex, there were cinnamon sticks and the rich scent of the tree to symbolize this Christmas, the first of many I hoped to spend with him.
I begrudged the work that once was my only satisfaction. In fact, two days before Christmas, I closed up my office at three thirty, eager to be home.
I walked into a nightmare. Spender and a pair of vile looking Hispanic men were holding guns on Alex. Elena was looking furious as she sat next to my lover.
My arrival seemed to break the tableau. One of Spender's goons turned to aim at me. The other was distracted, but still held a gun on Alex. Spender smirked at me, smoking as always. I could hear Fenris barking fiercely.
In short order, the gun men nearest Alex stepped nearer. A moment later, he screamed and his gun fired. Spender's look of surprise was almost funny as he dropped his cigarette to clutch his chest. The shot must have motivated Fenris. There was a cracking sound and Fenris came bounding out, lunging at the man who had accidentally shot Spender.
Lilly May, the cat, dropped from somewhere high right onto the other goon. He yelped; his nerves shot. I took him down before he could recover.
Alex didn't need to aim to hold a gun directly against the other goon's face.
Spender was dead before the ambulance arrived. I can't say if our delay caused this to happen. He had jammed all communication to my apartment. I sent Elena to call and she was an old woman. You could say he contributed to his own death.
The two goons whom Alex identified as Luis and Raoul Cardinal, imports from Nicaragua. They were Spender's favorite hirelings as they were suckled on blood in the drug wars of their youth. They knew nothing but death except for an allegiance to their deadly clan. Alex said that the two men worked for Spender directly. They did not belong to the conspiracy that Alex had described, but they were valuable prisoners anyway. Spender treated them as tools, letting them witness important meetings. We would break them in time; we had to.
§ § §
Alex and I ended up spending the night at Elena's apartment. Ours was a crime scene. We curled around each other in a double bed. In the middle of the night, Ratso escaped from his cage and curled up on my pillow. I let him stay. He was the hero of the day after all.
A search of Spender's apartment produced a stack of badly written detective novels and a disc with a great deal of information, including some clues to biochemical agents that might render earth inhabitable to our alien guests.
Mulder also found notes about a different kind of alien who might be able to cure Alex. He set off on the quest to find one as a gift to us.
As for Alex and myself, we were very happy. Elena was looking into guide dogs for Alex. I was busy cleaning up the mess of corruption in the FBI, but not too busy to spend Christmas with my beloved.
We sat in front of the tree, having unwrapped the best presents either of us had been given, each other before we got out of bed. Later, Elena would be over to mother us, but for right now we were alone to drink coffee and eat Christmas cookies.
I didn't mean to fall in love again, but Alex had fallen into my life. Love had blind-sided me.
Thank God!
